My vision is becoming a reality. I am on an airplane on my way to Fitness Ridge (Biggest Loser Resort) in Ivins, Utah for one month. What a journey this is going to be. The range of emotions that I am experiencing is intense... excitement, fear, hope, anxiety, guilt, sadness (for leaving my family). What it ultimately comes down to though is that this is the chance of a lifetime!
Yesterday, Chris and I dropped off Christina, Tristan, and Isabella at Carl and Margie’s house so we could head to Chicago for the night. (My flight was leaving from O’Hare at 7:30 AM today.) It was the best parting possible…. Tristan and Isa were having fun playing with Hannah, Brad, Gretchen, and Aunt Jenn. I have been telling Tristan that I will be leaving for “a long time” but I will be back. He is so young…. He cannot comprehend what I mean when I say “a long time”. (All he understands is that when I do come home, Christmas is coming and then our much anticipated trip to Florida.) Tristan and Isa both gave me hugs and kisses and then ran off laughing and playing with their cousins. Of course, tears starting to well up for me but I kept it together for the most part.
I was doing OK emotionally until I went to give Christina a hug goodbye. Christina has been so supportive me and is eagerly taking on the responsibility of helping to take care of the little ones and partially filling my role in the family while I am gone. Chris will be there for them too of course, but Christina will be shouldering a lot of the burden. It is so much for me to ask of my 16-year-old daughter. I know though that this is what family is all about. If all goes as I anticipate, I will return in a much better place in life and this will trickle down to my entire family. The emotions bubbled over when I gave Christina a big hug and told her I loved her and thanked her again for all she is willing to do for me. I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming…..
Chris and I headed for Chicago. Hotwire got us a great price on a 4-star hotel which turned out to be the Westin! We did a little shopping at Woodfield Mall and then headed to our all-time favorite restaurant for one last hurrah… The Melting Pot! (This certainly is not on my diet! J) We had some tasty drinks and a delicious meal; we laughed and enjoyed our evening together.... all while anticipating me leaving for one month.
We have never done anything like this…. Chris was gone during the week for an extended period while at the police academy or for a week to train for the department, however I have never been away from my little ones for more than a few days. Chris’ fear, anxiety, and angst has been the elephant in the room for weeks. He doubts his abilities and fears being alone with the kids for this long period of time. I know he can do this though. While a part of me feels guilt, fear, and sadness for leaving; another part of me hopes that this will be a positive learning experience for everyone. He can be a great dad when he is able to believe in himself and get past the anxiety. I know he can do it and do it very well!
So, why am I doing this?
What it comes down to is through the years I have let myself go on many levels and have lost my spark for life. With the loss of my mother came a lot of emotional baggage that I ever so neatly packaged up deep down inside of me. The sale of our business capitalized on my feelings of loss, sadness, and wondering who I really am. I am not happy with who I have become.
My coming to the Biggest Loser Resort for an extended period of time was for many reasons beyond losing weight. Obviously, my weight gain through the years is devastating to me but soon my health is going to be a concern too if I don't make some changes. I felt like I needed help to get back on the right track.
The overweight, unmotivated, and struggling person who I have become really isn't who I am. I am an athlete. I am fun and energetic. I am strong. I am a fighter! I want my desire for life back. I want a new, healthy lifestyle. I want my kids to be living a healthy lifestyle!!!! I am so done with chicken nuggets and french fries so often for them! I want to be around for my children (and hopefully their children) for a LONG time!
So, having said this..... HERE I AM!
I am so grateful for all of the love and support that I have received which have enabled me to come here.
Many thanks to Chris who has taken on so much more while I am gone…. He is working full time, running the kids to school and the sitter, helping to care of everyone, all while trying to get a few hours of sleep in between so he can go back to work when the kids are in bed.
Christina is a huge help and has been very supportive of me. She is helping take care of the kiddos, keeping the house clean (I hope – LOL), and still getting all of her school work done (again, I hope – LOL).
My dad and sister have both been super supportive of me coming and keep reminding me that they are proud of me! They are both going to help us out a lot when they get home from their vacation in Florida.
Carl and Margie (my in-laws) are helping watch all of our kiddos on the weekends so that Christina can have a little break and Chris can sleep peacefully.
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